My New Pet

We've been thinking for awhile that Payton needs a companion, a buddy to hang out with during the day when we...gasp...leave for a few hours without taking him along. The problem as we see it is that Payton is extremely possessive and jealous of other dogs if we show another mongrel attention. The dog freaks out whining if I'm on the telephone*, no doubt dreaming of some conspiracy whereas I'm speaking with Brian from The Family Guy.

So after some research, I've discovered the solution:
Fainting Goats.

Apparently these cute little guys do cute little goat things, with the notable exception that every now and then, they simply pass out. Fall the fuck over and conk out for 30 seconds. This is perfectly normal, and does not cause them any pain or discomfort.

I cannot think of a more enjoyable way for Payton (or myself) to spend an afternoon than by following a goat around the backyard and watching him fall over. And seeing as goats are not dogs, Payton wouldn't get jealous.

As a side bonus for me, Fainting Goats also like beer very much. Probably not a coincidence. I'd also regain a drinking buddy; one that falls over as much as my old college friends, with roughly equivalent IQ and grooming habits. Everybody wins.

http://www.faintinggoat.com/index.htm

*Something like this:
Chris: I don't care what she says, I'm never going back!
Brian: Look you can't run away from your problems Chris. That's what I tried to do. I joined the Peace Corps and a day later I was two continents away.
Chris: Really?
Brian: Yep, but 6,000 miles and all the dope I could smoke still couldn't separate me from my problems. And this was good dope. I mean it was growing everywhere. Oh my God! This one time we got so baked we ended up eating all the food at the food the World Health Organization had airlifted in. Oh man those villagers were so pissed! They tried to chase us, but lemme just say thank God for polio.