Jewel the Foodie

Scenario: Melissa and I on couch, absentmindedly watching television. More specifically: watching the terrible american recreation of The Iron Chef. Bobby Flay is running around high on cocaine and yelling at his helper monkeys while creating lamb sushi. He is the Iron Chef, not the challenger. This is disconcerting, but nothing compared to what happens next:

The judges receive their plates, the first of whom is a blonde with terribly capped teeth. Once she is done chomping on a rack of lamb...her face is exposed.

Melissa and I, in unison: "Is that fucking JEWEL?"

Note to the producers of the show: hiring a formally homeless vegan folk singer/poet (I'm being kind with the "poet" moniker) to judge a food show about LAMB is NOT a good move. She has about as much knowledge of the food, about as much right to comment on meat as I would tampons. Read: none.