My Early Retirement

'Time to burn a bridge and a closet full of entry-level business suits. Freed from the shackles of commercial real estate development, I can now retire early and build that damn dream home at the beach. Or in the mountains. Jungle? Desert? NYC? Wha? Too early in the career to even have a dream? Pathetic.

I owe this unbudgeted retirement to all of you, my legion of loyal readers and the advertisers who scam them. In following the trend of successful bloggers everywhere, I ran a valuation... which spat back the great news:

"My blog is worth $0.00.How much is your blog worth?"

D'oh. I had better get back to work. Immediately after I recall that threatening email to my boss.

Damn you all, you non-existent readership.

chew on this

chew on this, originally uploaded by jasonmlott.

Payton's sole purpose in life, and greatest joy, is destroying dog chews. We'll come home from work and the carcasses of monkeys, goats, and seahorses will be strewn around the living room in a grisly display of animal cruelty.

This particular toy, a gift from my Mom, has lasted longer than any other. I think P feels that the pink isn't manly enough to warrant destruction.

How High is this Guy?

Bend Over and Take It Like a Good American

'Favorite part of Morford's SF Chronicle article regarding americans being too fat for traditional needles to be effective. Our butts are so goddamn big these days that physicians are now being advised to use longer, stronger needles so that the medicines get to the intended target. I'm guessing that this is particularly true in Missouri, if I use my office center as a representative example. There are some very large asses in this place.

"Health is a change in the way you think, the way you tread the world, the way you kiss and screw and lick and chew, the way you hold your
space, hold your lover, let the spirit move and dance and evolve and how you laugh in the face of religious scowling and crass junk-food marketing and heartless neocon smirks.

Because truly, we are in a place now where evolution is scowled upon, increased awareness is discouraged and excess is our national birthright. What the hell did we expect? Lean, nimble and strong? Of course not. Now bend over and take this two-foot needle in your butt like a good American. "

Amen. I'm off to the food court to grab me a funnel fryer and talk about gawd, homos, and killing shit.

Park(ing)

I think this is great:
http://www.rebargroup.org/projects/parking/index.html#

Funny, poignant comment on urbanism and our unfulfilled need for more open green space, especially in dense environments.

The concept of parking spaces/meters serving as temporary leases has legs. All kinds of fun and hooliganism to be had by all.

Via superhero:
http://www.superherodesigns.com/journal/

Sunny Day

arch, originally uploaded by jasonmlott.

Sweepin the clouds a-way.

Back when the fields were green

BFGL 2, originally uploaded by jasonmlott.

The weather is as drab and bleak as you can imagine. But, in the words of the Optimistic Midwesterner at the Park:

"At lease it isn't sleeting."

For my friends in Southern California:

Sleet:
1) Precipitation consisting of generally transparent frozen or partially frozen raindrops.

2) A mixture of rain and snow or hail.

3) A thin icy coating that forms when rain or sleet freezes, as on trees or streets.

lafayette square pond

water, originally uploaded by jasonmlott.

Oh Shit.

I've become one of those weirdos with a blog whose every other post is a picture of his pet.

I hereby promise to return to snarky observations about why the midwest is...different. Heckles and sarcasm by the boatload. Less pretty pictures of candles and puppies: more of rednecks, meth mouth and jesus billboards.

M'kay?

got leftovers?

got leftovers?, originally uploaded by jasonmlott.

Woof.

Melissa's Table

centerpiece, originally uploaded by jasonmlott.

Melissa made the room look all festive and purty and yummy smelling.

'Much better than the mismatched plates and lone bottle of bourbon that I would have gone with if put in charge… then again, Mel is festive and purty and yummy smelling, so I shouldn't be surprised.

Thanksgiving

mantle close, originally uploaded by jasonmlott.

Thanksgiving turned out to be a great time in St. Louis: nice crisp weather and the parents visiting SL for the first time.

I've discovered that for a three to four day window, you can actually make this city look pretty damn cool. Which it is, especially if you (like my rents) live in Cleveland.

I am not going to slam any city I've even lived in, especially a town as oft-abused as C-Town, but touring around the Lou gave me a fresh appreciation that this place is alright, and at the very least could be worse.

So color me thankful for my new home. Also, more importantly, parents who are smart, entertaining and very good looking.

A quick precautionary tale and final bit of thanks:
While the bird was cooking on the grill mom and dad told a horror story of some poor friend of theirs, whose first thanksgiving turned into a nightmare because she done forgotted to take the giblet bag out of the turkey. 'Whole thing turned into a melted-plastic bad acid trip. A cold sweat spread through my body...I had removed crap from the main cavity but NOT the neck portion. Uh-oh, here comes another classic Jason mistake, to be heckled about at holidays for eternity, to be passed down to future generations and told as a precautionary tale at cocktail parties throughout the Midwest.

So: I am eternally grateful for the fine people at Straubs for including the nasties in a fire-proof paper sack that didn't ruin the meal...damn thing turned out great, regardless of the fact that I am indeed an idiot.