Wednesday Press Conference

From the AP:
St. Louis, Missouri
August 31, 2005

In a stunning announcement made at City Hall today by St. Louis Mayor Francis Slay, construction will begin immediately on improvements to the City's most recognized and revered symbols: the Gateway Arch. Where currently stands a graceful and open arch that perfectly frames the City's skyline, the improved vision will fill in the open space with poured concrete and add corners to the structure (see attached rendering).

Said Slay, "This improved structure will prevent terrorists from flying planes into any of Downtown St. Louis's high-visibility office buildings." As an added bonus, the Mayor stated, "No longer will the hardworking citizens of Downtown have to look upon the eyesore that is East St. Louis."

Funding for the project will come from the National Government's Anti-Terrorist funds, which are equally divided amongst states, regardless of the probability of attack.

The Mayor added that, along with the unveiling of the new landmark, the City's name will be changed accordingly. While St. Louis was once the Gateway to the West, the currently-undecided moniker will "reflect the isolationist nature of the new midwest, and keep all those goddamn fags and hippies on the coasts where they belong. If Israel can have a wall to keep out those damn ay-rab terrorist palestini-Ans, then so can we. These goddamn peaceniks threaten our children's future, and we're gonna do everything we can to keep them out of our blessed City."

San Francisco Responds To Soaring Gas Prices

AP - San Francisco
Tuesday, August 30, 2005

Faced with soaring gas prices that have crippled the local economy, the California Dept of Highways announced on Tuesday that they were further expanding the incentives for drivers who use alternate forms of transportation. Green, hybrid and vegetable-oil fueled autos travel for free across the Golden Gate Bridge, as do bicyclists and pedestrians. Ferry, BART and MUNI have agreed to reduce fares as well.

Richard Hurtz of Hayward farms received similar incentives for his prototype ostromobile (pictured, in toll booth photo), which runs solely on hay and it's own feces. Said Hurtz of the added perks inherent in his vehicle, "I can park it anywhere and the chicks really dig it."

There has not been any comment from Washington DC as to what country we are planning to bomb next in response to this increasing oil crisis.

Self Worth

According to www.humanforsale.com I am worth just over 2.2 Million dollars.
Gotta love capitalism, although in this sad day and age I am afraid that is is a buyer's market and I may be overvalued.

Willow

I already mentioned that my niece Willow bagged more days on the mountain last winter than I did, at the ripe old age of 6ish months.

Yesterday I learned that they all went rock climbing this weekend. While I understand that she didn't actually do any climbing, she was a lot closer to a carabiner than I have been in far too long.

Must-get-out-to-Santa-Fe-soon. Her one-year birthday is coming up three weeks from tomorrow. Do any of my legions of readers (ie: Bryan and Melissa) have baby presents that are so awesome that a one year old will recognize it's inherent coolness and remember that it came from me, thereby erasing any residual negative feelings of my absence over the past twelve months? Piece of cake, right?

Weekend RoundUp

The future-mother-in-law was visiting from Arizona this weekend. Her being the first family member and out-of-town guest to stay with us, we were initially anxious about showing off our new home. I think it went pretty well: we've got a solid 3-day presentation down. Any visitors that plan on staying longer may be in trouble.

Truth be told, the main jist of our entertaining, as so often is the case, consisted of eating very, very well.

• Friday night: 1111 Mississippi. I had grilled crispy trout. A departure for me, in which I was very pleased. Great service and an awesome bottle of wine. Within stumbling distance of the house, which was handy after an end-of-meal irish coffee.
• Saturday night: Wildflower Cafe in the CWE. Beautiful, casual patio dining. Awesome margarita, called jade or orchid or habiscus or such...bitchin'. Had a ribeye stuffed with all kinds of cheeses, and lobster...just to make sure I'm decadent.
• I cooked on Sunday, and in keeping with the everything-is-better-when-stuffed school of thought, cooked chicken breasts stuffed with goat cheese, basil and prosciutto. Twice baked potatoes with chives and...a smidgen of (yes, you guessed it) goat cheese. Carmalized green beans wrapped up a frighteningly decadent trio of dinners. Special over-the-top points for driving to Ted Drewes for desert. Burp.

Tonight? Leftover city, yo.

Mos Def (insert cheesy pun here)

Saw Mos Def in a barely-advertised-at-all live show last Thursday. Some thoughts on the show:

• Club Toxic is the worst club name in the history of club names. I've seen some crappy monikers before...Club Paranoia jumps to mind...but Toxic is sooooo 90's heroin chic meets britney spears. Evil drug meets redneck riviera, anyone?
• Shit happens, I understand. Maybe the performer's plane was late. Audio troubles. Permit issues. I get it, and am patient enough to understand that shows will occasionally start late. But keeping your patrons waiting out side on a humid-ass night is absurd, and certainly doesn't win you any points with your bar staff.
• Regarding said bar staff: barely clad hot chicks who serve drinks, promptly and with a smile deserve better from management/ownership.
• Was that Lil John at the show? Should I jump out my window right now for even knowing who lil john is? I am 30, afterall.
• Mos Def: you friggin rocked, dude. Good mix of older stuff, the slow song was nice, sampling that stupid "Drop It Like It's Hot Song (again: suicide?) was genius. Alot of your stuff really is timeless, and I appreciate your positive messages. Your new wife is gorgeous, good luck to you both.

In a nutshell: great show in a crappy venue.

An Ass as Big As Missouri

And a Nazi, too:
http://www.bushflash.com/nazi.html

RIP, Six Feet Under

Although I didn't care for the ending (the die-off montage was just lame) and am genuinely pissed off at the universe that you're leaving us, thanks for the great run. Not sure what I'll do with my sunday nights anymore without a nice dinner and Six Feet Under (last night: lobster ravs with homemade pesto).

At lease now I can cancel HBO. Until The Wire starts up, of course.

Idiosyncrasies

5 Idiosyncratic tendencies of Jason, the bid-headed OCD-ite (thanks to http://www.superherodesigns.com/journal/) for the idea :

1) When putting anything on my feet, whether flip flop, shoe or sock, Left foot ALWAYS goes first. Failing to do so has the potential of ruining the entire day.

2) Everytime I glance at the clock and the numbers ad up to 10, I have to say "wow." I have absolutely no idea why, or when I started this.

3) In shower: shampoo, condition, soap, rinse all. Start over if for whatever reason this ritual gets thrown off.

4) Cannot stand the words "moist" or "doily." Melissa loves making up sentences that involve both, which makes my skin crawl but I love her doing anyways.

5) When cooking, each separate ingredient gets its own bowl while prepping. I am a nightmare to clean up for after cooking...every bowl in the house often gets utilized.

Google Earth

Google Earth (http://earth.google.com/) is the most awsomely efficient way to mis-spend time at work, ever.

Ever. I have spent my lunch flying though the financial district in San Francisco and looking up all of my relative's houses. Exgirlfriends are next.

Not Bad for a Beginner

There's a wonderfully kind man on my floor at work, who we'll call Clem. Because that is his name, and nobody other than girlfriend and brother read this, and even then sporadically.

Every time I see Clem in the hallway, which happens to be every day, his response to my "How are you today" question is always...always..."Not bad for a beginner." You know, because he's old and shit. Delivered with a perfect smile and tilt of the head...the funniest joke delivered with perfect timing.

But every single time I see you, Clem? For awhile I would try and find ways to say hello and inquire about your general state of mind without leaving it open for you to give this response. It was our little game. But Clem, my man, you started to cheat. In response to "How was your weekend?" You went ahead and told me it was not bad for a beginner. That doesn't even make any sense Clem. Not even close. You can do better. I would like to think that you were being tongue and cheek and gave that reply because you were acknowledging defeat in our little joke, but really don't think that was the case. You cheated, man.

I don't talk much to Clem anymore. I don't know if it because he's a cheater or because he's old and likes to remind me of that everytime I see him.

One-Day Roadtrip Ideas

Fun Things About Living in the MidWest, Part Two:

From stltoday.com:

NRA convention coming to St. Louis
"This has the potential to be the largest convention in NRA history," said NRA Executive Vice President Wayne LaPierre in a press release. The city's central location — within a day's drive of one third of the U.S. population and within 300 miles of 400,000 NRA members — was cited as a reason for the decision. "

God Bless America. The NRA is, at the very least, thoughtful of logistics. Other than being completely evil, this organization really has their shit together.

Defiant Shrub

Bush's response to Al Quaeda's #2 man, Ayman al-Zawahiri, via CCN.com:

"Bush was unswayed. "He's saying, you know, 'Leave,'" he told reporters at his ranch in Crawford, Texas, where he had just met Colombian President Alvaro Uribe."

Thanks for clarifying, ya dolt. Your powers of deduction are outstanding.

"The U.S. president described the ideology of al-Zawahiri and his adherents as "dark, dim, backwards. They don't appreciate women. If you don't agree to their narrow view of a religion, you'll be whipped in the public square.""

Methinks Dubya's ideology is equally dim and backwards, and that his view on religion is equally as narrow. His appreciation for women goes as far as allowing them to make decisions regarding their own bodies.

Dolt. Hypocrtical dolt.